Nope. Not ready.
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
I’m always surprised since living here in the mid-west at all the children returning to school in the middle of August. Back on the West Coast, we didn’t start school until after Labor Day (as the public schools did). The kids and I are still hanging on to summer. Clinging with our fingernails. This year has been particularly hot and we haven’t spent as much time down at the river, which makes me a little sad. So, I’m sticking to starting homeschooling after Labor Day in hopes the weather turns a little cooler, so we can be outside a bit more. Besides, I’m not ready. I haven’t looked for books, let alone at the curriculum. Then again, all those back-to-school sales (that are almost over) have a tendency to call my name … and the kids. They seem to think they need something new too.
This year will be my oldest grandchild’s first year of homeschooling. I look at my daughter with a little awe that she gets to start out brand spanking new. No mistakes, no dread, no feelings of failure. I am about to start my 23rd year of homeschooling with only 4 children left and wish I could be that brand new homeschooling mom, but of course, knowing all that I know now. For the last couple of years, I have lacked so much motivation. Seen so many of my failures. And I think of my poor daughter who is so excited about starting her own journey and I just shake my head.
Giving birth for the first time
First-time homeschooling moms are a little like a woman giving birth for the first time. There are those women who research everything, get all the supplies and have a plan all laid out. Then are those women who are so intimidated about the process or just want to trust the word of their provider (either medically or boxed curriculum) and just go with the flow. Yet pain hits them both. Things intensify and there comes a moment when women say “I quit!” I can’t do this anymore”. No matter how well they are prepared or not prepared the feelings of actual labor are nothing like they thought they would be. The intensity is not what they thought it would feel like no matter how many times they hear it's hard or how thoroughly they prepared. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this? I wish I would have had more support. Why is it not like I thought it would be?
Hope I’m not being a Debbie-downer. Is it worth it? Holy heck yes. There are some women who sail right through labor and birth, homeschooling well. Some women make it through both with trauma.
Nurture. Protect
So what to do? What advice can I give my daughter? I do wish we had a culture that valued the post-partum time (that lasts for the full first year) as well as valued the first few years of the homeschooling mother. Protecting. Nurturing. Both mother and baby. Mother and children. We as a Christian community can do so much better for families.
Keep the big goal in mind. We are raising children to become adults who know the Lord, serve the Lord, and love the Lord. And to do that in labor it greatly helps when mom lets go and releases herself into the process of birth. Same with homeschooling. The process does work.
A lot of learning takes place outside of textbooks and the classroom. Don’t be afraid to leave more space for that than you feel comfortable with. A pregnant woman can only read and get so much head knowledge. A woman births in her body not in her head. Same with homeschooling. You can only impart so much head knowledge to a child. Sometimes they need a whole-body experience.
Don’t get caught up in the curriculum monster that says to you: YOU NEED ME! It’s hard for me to think of a birth analogy…maybe don’t get caught up in the medical system. You actually don’t need them.
Simplify yourself. Mom guilt is so real. So few new moms have help. No postpartum doula. No mother’s helper. We second guess. Our kids make us feel like failures (more explanation about that one in another post).
The Good Things
I have 7 children who have graduated from high school now. And they are wonderful young adults. There have been major bumps and minor bumps. My friend's lovely mother used to tell her “Little kids little problems. Big kids big problems”. How do we change This culture that doesn’t protect and nurture mothers? I don’t know. But we try to make a change for our daughters’ futures.
Have you felt nurtured and protected, maybe not even just in regards to homeschooling but as a mother? What does that look like to you? What are your dreams? I’m hoping to write a little more about homeschooling in the next few weeks, as I think about my daughters and the future I hope they have.
