A Doula?
I’m still surprised when someone asks me “What is a doula?”. 28 years ago when I was pregnant with my first, “doulas” were unheard of. I’m not sure when I first heard the word doula, but by then I probably had had a few babies and I never looked into it. Over the years, Pregnancy after pregnancy (12 full-term pregnancies) my husband and I tried to navigate the world of labor and delivery all by ourselves. It wasn’t until my sister-in-law was having her second baby and I made an unannounced entrance into the birthing room where they were threatening her with a c-section that I became a doula. Mostly because I was ticked off at how they were treating my sil, I took charge of the room without even realizing what I was doing. It seemed like everyone was a little taken aback because they let me talk with and coach her and in just a few pushes baby was there.
Soon other friends started asking me to be their doula. At that time, learning about midwifery seemed like a no-brainer. I didn’t want my own daughters (I have 9 of them) to have limited choices in the support they could receive while pregnant and giving birth. Be that as it may, I was not actually that great of a doula. Looking back now I knew very little about different comfort measures (hey if it worked for me it must work for everyone), how much the position of the baby affects contraction patterns and that in turn helps or hinders progress, and how to help women think through all their options with labor and delivery so they can make informed decisions. It’s one thing to have given birth 12 times myself and quite a different thing to be on the other side supporting another woman through the work of labor and delivery. That’s all I could think of was “How can we make this labor shorter so that the suffering is over as soon as possible?”. But I did the best I could, and I hope they all had good experiences.
These days I’m so immersed in doula work, midwifery studies, and talking with so many women and men, that I take it for granted that everyone must know what a doula is. But that is just not the case. Instead many women, men, and well-meaning family members take it for granted that you get pregnant, go to a doctor, go to the hospital when it is time, and then do whatever it is that they say is best, because, after all, they went to college for this. Surely they know what they are talking about, and it's just how it’s done.
There is so much work to be done in the birth world.
A book I recently read, Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset, is set in Norway in the 1300s. Incredible historical fiction book. Incredible. So moving. So many emtions. It’s a very long book sorta like how The Lord Of the Rings is 2 books in each of the three books. Only Kristin is just three books in one. Very long, but oh so good. A time in history and a place I’ve not read much about even though my Grandma’s father came over from Norway and my Grandpa came over with his family from Norway in 1911. In this grand sweeping drama of the life of one woman, Kristin Lavransdatter, there is one particular chapter describing her first birth. Before her time was to come, lonely and seeking out companionship, she found a friendly neighbor that Kristin knew the moment she met her, was to be the one to help during labor and birth. Kristin’s very long labor, lasted a few days, with a constant stream of women surrounding her the whole time. Each woman knew what her job should be. From cooking to tending the fires. Making broths for the laboring mother and being a source of strength in the laboring room. The particular neighbor that Kristin chose, was by her side throughout. Kristin’s husband did come in and spent time with her as well. Being by her side and offering his encouragement. But it was the women, the women who knew what labor was like, who knew the comfort that they could give, who were the constant support. They knew because they saw their own mothers, aunts, sisters, and neighbors giving birth. It was a part of life. It was their life.
They were doulas.
In our own time, we have a word for what women just did naturally in times past. The word doula comes from the Greek word meaning “a female slave for the child-bearing woman” Servant-woman might be a little more palatable, but the meaning is intense. A doula, at least in theory (not every doula is a good one), is to help support a woman going through labor. In practicality, it can make birth a little less scary, and can even help labor become a little less painful. Crazy enough, the presence of a doula has also been shown to shorten labor and women have fewer c-sections (i.e. my story with my sil above).
Here are some bullet points on what a doula is meant for:
Their presence is meant to bring peace and confidence to the birth experience for mom and those who are supporting her.
They can teach partners how to properly support with words and techniques to take the edge off contractions.
During prenatal and postpartum, they help focus on the mother’s self-care, helping her to connect to herself, her baby, and her body.
They will walk through the options of labor and delivery so that the birthing mom is well-informed about her rights.
And they answer the plethora of questions mom and dad, and sometimes extended family and friends have. Even when those answers are, “Gee, I don’t know. Here are some great resources to find out.
During labor:
They protect the atmosphere in the room to ensure that mom is as relaxed and focused as they can be through the process.
They encourage progress, giving suggestions about positions when needed
They should understand that labor is a beautiful process that doesn’t need to be rushed. Everything needs time to gently unfold
They can help support the birth partner when they need a break from hip squeezes (I’ve only had one mom who did not like the hip squeezes). But we also make sure he is feeding himself and maybe even get a quick nap in when labor is long.
And so much more
So Do you Need a Doula?
There’s a growing trend toward free birthing. Where a mom decides she is going to have a birth with no one attending her or she wants her birth to be just her and her husband. No doctor, no midwife, no nurse. I’ve also had women choosing to birth in the hospital tell me that their husbands will be their doula. Or maybe their friend will come with them. I love it when husbands are so supportive and ready. But, what happens in a long labor and he has to pee? Or just needs a 20-minute nap. What about when there is uncertainty? Should I call my provider now? Why is there so much fluid coming out of my body? I really want … I just don’t know what I want???
Our culture in the US is so fragmented, isolated, and lonely. I think it is wonderful when a woman has enough faith in her body to know that she can give birth completely alone or at least with just her husband. I myself had two free births. But there is a bigger picture to look at. While yes, birth is so natural that it can happen without any mishap, we are still losing out on sisterhood. Community. Helping one another out. Loving, fighting, and strengthening one another. Having a baby without women surrounding us is just perpetuating a really deep wound across our nation. I’m sure that I’ll write about that more as it is a rabbit trail way too long and deep to go down right now. We need women supporting women.
No, you don’t NEED a doula but yes, you do need a doula
The more preparations an expecting mom can go through before the end of pregnancy, the more informed, confident, and in control, she will be for her birth. That equals better outcomes and more women having a happier birth experience.
If you are expecting, really think about your birth team and who you want to be surrounding you during the most intense, raw experience you can imagine. If you know someone who is pregnant and might not have anyone who can walk with her, offer yourself or help her find someone. It is beneficial to be able to hire a doula who has been trained and has experience but anyone can be a servant woman to a laboring mom.
What about your own experiences? Have you accompanied someone else in labor? Did you have a doula or your mom, friend, a sister to be with you? You can share your experience below. I would love to know!
